Tussin Adventure
by ReignEmpathy
Summary: |complete|A coming of age tale which showcases a major change in the lives of four X-Men.


Various members of the X-Men were sitting around the den of Xavier's mansion when Kurt Wagner rushed in with seemingly important news.  
  
"Ja guys!" He exclaimed. "Last night I was hanging with some shady fellows I met at the arcade and they introduced me to something new." Kurt accentuated every word with fluid arm movements. Wolverine noticed his skin was slightly scabby.  
  
"Grr...what's wrong with your arms?" He asked. He wondered if this small blue lad could have gotten into a crazy barfight he himself was accustomed to.   
  
"Oh nein, I was so itchy last night. I thought I would explode from itchiness!" Kurt's eyes got wide with eagerness. "Let's go to the local drug store and I can introduce you to my new friend! We can take the Blackbird!"  
  
"Kurt! It's nearly our bedtime!" Scott protested. "And I don't think the Professor would like it if we just randomly took the plane for some trip to the drug store, when I'm not even sure why the heck we'd be going there in the FIRST PLACE!"  
  
"Grr..dammit Scott, shut the hell up. We're going to the drug store if this blue fool wants us to. He may be onto something." Logan demanded all the other X Men follow him outside to the Blackbird."  
  
"Maybe we should inform the Professor!" Scott proclaimed, following at a distance. Logan turned and slapped him twice, swiftly.   
  
"Shut up and get in the plane before I pull you in by your abnormally tight underpants!" Logan commanded. Scott obeyed, not saying another word.  
  
The group nestled into the plane and then they were off. Jean Grey wondered what amazing adventures this evening would hold for her. What things was Kurt planning? What was this mystery that the local drug store held for them all?  
  
"Why are you looking so worried?" Logan asked her, getting a little closer. "Whatever it is that's bothering you, we can talk it out. I'm great at giving advice. I'm also great at not shaving."  
  
Jean cried out, "Oh Logan! Can you imagine what sort of night we're about to have? I am just so tense. What sort of wondrous experiences will we share this night?"  
  
Kurt overheard their conversation. "Oh Ja! It's quite the great experience. Just wait. Even Scott will want to dance naked in the woods."  
  
"Now, now, Kurt," Scott replied calmnly. "It is my responsibility to maintain order and responsibility. There will be no naked dancing for me tonight, nor will I ever dance naked. Not even in the privacy of my own bedroom. I am the leader of this group. Naked dancing would just not suit me. And no matter what this msytery of yours is, it could never persuade me to drop my front."  
  
The sky was clear and the wind blew soothingly. It was the perfect night for an adventure. The X-Men had their share of adventures in the past, but somehow they all could feel that tonight would be unlike anything they had ever experienced before.  
  
Logan knew his life was about to change. He was fine with it,even. "Kurt, so what exactly is this all about? I can't belive I let me drag you out of the mansion for some excursion in which I don't even know what's going to happen. I was about to take a hot manly shower."  
  
"And I was about to engage in my nightly bubble bath!" Scott interjected. "You've interrupted us, and it had better be for a damn good reason!"  
  
"Ja, we are nearly to the drug store," Kurt assured them. "it's only a matter of time until the greatness of this mystery substance engulfs us all!"  
  
Substance? A piece of the mystery was revealed. But what sort of substance? Jean thought it may be some sort of alien chemical, sent to earth to be sold at drugstores be take over the minds of mankind...or mutantkind. Scott figured Kurt was only referring to the sale on wine coolers that he had seen in an ad earlier that week. Though he was usually reserved and looked down on people who let themselves go into the land of drunkeness he was unable to resist a pleaseantly flavoured wine cooler every one and awhile.   
  
Finally they arrived at the local drug store. "Let us go inside and commence the greatness." Kurt instructed them. "But act cool, we don't want to attract attention."   
  
The X-Men dutifully followed Kurt through the drug store until he stopped them in the cold medicine aisle. They eagerly awaited his words.  
  
"Ja. Let us buy four bottles of cough syrup."  
  
Cough syrup? The X-Men were confused. Why would Kurt have them buy cough syrup?   
  
"Grr...you'd better explain yourself!" Logan commanded. "I ain't got no cold."  
  
"Oh Ja, I can explain, and it is gut." Kurt then proceeded to tell them all to buy a bottle of cough syrup, so that when they got home, they could drink it. After drinking the bottle, exciting things would happen. Begrudgingly, all of the X-Men bought their bottle of cough syrup, then they took off back to the mansion.  
  
An hour and a half later: you wouldn't recognize the X-Men. Wolverine was rolling around the floor. "I'm so itchy! Hahaha! Scott, come here and scratch my head!" Scott obliged, and it seemed for a moment that the wide known rivalry between the two mutants was temporarily purged.  
  
The mutants thought they needed music to further enjoy the evening. "Hey!" Jean proclaimed. "I saw a Gordon Lightfood cd in the Professor's room, let me go get it." Then before you knew it, the X-Men were scratching each other and singing along to the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.  
  
"I'm so fucked up right now!" Kurt screamed.  
  
"Hey," Jean said, "Wolverine and Cyclops should kiss."  
  
Wolverine refused, but Cyclops insisted his girlfriend had a good idea. "It'll prove how manly we are," Scott told his newfound friend. "It'll prove that we're so manly that we don't care about making out with guys."  
  
Logan gave in. "Oh what the hell, as long as you keep scratching my head!"  
  
So they kissed. Then Kurt felt he was so high that he couldn't go upstairs to use the bathroom, so he peed in a bucket.  
  
While singing along to Gordon Lightfoot, Scott felt a little queasy. Unable to make it to the bathroom, he puked all over himself and Jean. Everyone laughed. Kurt rolled around naked on the floor. Logan complained of itchiness. Scott jumped right in to take care of Logan's needs. And this, my friends, was how the rivalry between the great Wolverine and Cyclops ended. 


End file.
